Friday, January 09, 2004
read the life section today.
n chanced upon the interview w ix shen abt his recent trip to a village in cambodia.
the last qn posed to him was abt his willingness to settle down in that particular village. his ans was a conditional affirmative, 'when ive accumulated enough wealth'
i mean, wtf?
how much money do u need to lead a comfy life in cambodia?
a village at that?
'when ive accumulated enough wealth'
*snorts
Thursday, January 08, 2004
when i die, i want to undergo the process of plastination by prof Gunther von Hagens to b part of his exhibit for body worlds.
it's not bcoz there wld b no relatives to tend my grave nor is it ive got no money to buy a plot of land for my coffin in spore ,though both of the reasons do play an insignificant part in my decision, the main pull factor is that i want my body to keep travelling though im no longer alive n breathing.
i shall carry on smoking at an accelerated rate so they can showcase my lungs as a lung absuer.
Wednesday, January 07, 2004
i hate the parents of my kids.
*roars.
1) do not send ur kids to the tutors if ur kids have no intention of learning.
ur kids wld dread tuition time n so wld the tutors.
n if u do, do not expect miracles.
2) do not send ur kids to the tutors bcoz u want someone to supervise ur kids.
either get a maid, find ur in-laws or send the bloody brats to a childcare centre.
so my dear frenz, remb my 2 golden rules when u decide to engage a tutor for ur kids.
n never ever engage me.
never ever.
thanx.
writing for kids is no child's play.
chk out captain underpants by dav pilkey for starters.
chapter one.
george n harold.
' this is george beard n harold hutchins
george is the kid on the left w the tie n the flat-top.
harold is the one on the rite w the t-shirt n the bad haircut.
remb that now'
(*inserts drawing of a boy w really bad curly birdnesty hairdo -- kind of like mine plus the curls.)
'do u see that old guy looking out of the window up there?
thats mr krupp.
the principal.'
george n harold attend jerome horwitz elementary sch n their teachers had really great names -- ie mr meaner, miss anthrope (misanthropy)
'now, harold loved to draw, n george loved to make up stories. n together, the 2 boys spent hrs n hrs writing n drawing their own comic bks.
over the yrs, they had created hundreds of their own comics, starring dozens of their own superheroes. first there was 'dog man', then came 'timmy the talking toilet' n who cld forget 'the amazing cow lady'?
but the all-time greatest superhero they ever made up had to b 'the amazing captain underpants.
george came up w the idea.
'most superheroes look like they r flying ard in their underwear,' he said, 'well, this guy actually is flying ard in his underwear!
the 2 boys laughed n laughed.
'yeah,' said harold, 'he cld fight w wedgie power!' '
n so, that set the basis of capt underpants.
(n of coz, 'the amazing capt underpants' comic is faithfully reproduced in all capt underpant's bks.)
i wont tell u the plot of their exploits as i dont want to spoil ur delight in reading the bk.
however, throughout the bks, u wld find lil sprinklets such as this.
'warning: the following chapter contains graphic scs showing 2 boys beating the tar out of couple of robots. if u have high blood pressure or if u faint at the sight of motor oil, we strongly urge u to take better care of urself n stop being such a baby.'
n the best part?
'as everybody knows, nothing enhances silly action sequences more than really cheesy animation. n so, for the first time in the history of great literature. we proudly bring to u the latest in cheesy animation technology: the art of Flip-o-Rama!'
n how does that work?
'step 1: place ur left hand inside the dotted lines marked 'LEFT HAND HERE.' hold the bk open flat.
step 2: grasp the right hand page w ur right thumb n index finger (inside the dotted lines marked 'RIGHT THUMB HERE').
step 3: now quickly flip the right hand page back n forth until the picture appears to b animated.
(for extra fun, try adding ur own sound effects!)'
oh boy, the bk sure cracks me up.
if ure still reading this n hadnt thot me as being queen of lameness, then i suggest that u do chk out www.scholastic.com/captainunderpants
*snap!*
TRA-LA LAAAAA!
time to exercise my wedgie power!
it sure feels gd being empowered.
Monday, January 05, 2004
-stats-
after being stationed at paragon for a couple of days,
ive completed 37 surveys,
n counted --
a) 698 indo-chis
b) 423 ang mos
c) 239 sporeans
d) 174 chinamen
e) 104 Gucci paperbags,
f) 82 LV paperbags,
g) 79 LV handbags,
h) 51 Gucci handbags,
i) 36 Burberry handbags,
j) 24 Gucci wallets,
k) 22 LV wallets,
l) 1 prada wallet
too bad im not that fashion conscious, if not, i can tabulate the no of branded shoes ive seen.
----joraffe----
