Saturday, December 27, 2003
today's best buy:
1) a laminated huge map of the world which ive been searching for quite some time so that i can stick pins thru the countries ive been to. (im that obnoxious.)
2) 4 obscure classic dvds.
a) birdman of alcatraz
b) cleopatra
c) the world of suzie wong
d) the red shoes
Friday, December 26, 2003
xmas is over.
n its w a sinking heart that i realised,
none of my 25 wishes came true.
*hollers
THANX ALOT, SANTA
I FEEL SO LOVED BY U.
Thursday, December 25, 2003
'merry xmas!'
dad called my bro who is currently in USA to wish him a 'merry xmas'.
however the phonecall quickly took a bad turn as my dad demanded that my bro give him a reasonable explanation for his recent academic failures.
my bro immediately turned on the tears n pushed the blame onto depression.
(wtf? that was the same trick i used 2 yrs ago when they found out i was smoking. bitch!)
he said he hated the american culture as he was unable to fit in
he has no frenz (after 4 yrs? i guess all i can say is 'serve u rite'. after betraying certain frenz during ur freshman yrs, who wld dare to trust u?)
he believed that whatever he is studying now would b of no relevance to his working life.
depress. depress. depress.
therefore he wants to quit.
yadayada.
frankly, i do not give a shit.
he is already an adult n if he cant b responsible for his own actions (ie inability to complete his course w/in the stipulated time) then, fuck off.
however, i heard my parents arguing, my mom crying.....
so i was called in to give my 2 cents worth.
(as if i was able to do much.)
sat there, listened to them, aired a few views.
bidded my time b4 gently suggesting that someone shld go up n spend some time with him just in case he decides to do something stupid when hes down.
*smiles
as expected, they fell for it.
but then, that started up the next quarrel.
dad wanted mom to go.
mom wanted dad to go.
i knew i was going w/o having to ask. (no one else is as free as me.)
quarrel quarrel quarrel
dragged in a couple of irrelevant topics.
(n i thot this was a matter of pressing urgency? right)
quarrel quarrel quarrel.
why daddy should go.
-- he's been keeping track of my bro's academic progress. (he knows wat my bro needs to take in order to pass.)
-- guy to guy chats
-- not as busy as my mom
--practical, doesnt let emotions overrule him
-- ability to sort out probs
why daddy shouldnt go.
-- stubborn
-- no great love for my bro.
-- seen thru my bro a long time ago, dismissed his current depression as a ploy.
-- no trust in him.
-- wants him to complete his education no matter what (as a form of punishment i feel)
why mommy shld go
-- motherly love
-- for peace of mind, in case my bro does anything stupid.
why mommy shldnt go
-- she panicks too easily, emotionally unstable (?)
-- she wld suffer from nervous breakdown
-- doesnt know abt the whole uni system
-- doesnt know abt cultural shock
-- most prob to commit sucide b4 he does
-- brainless? or rather, she lets her emotions rule her most of the time, rendering her utterly useless during times of great need.
why i shld go
-- ive got the time to spare
-- been there, done that. can attend 'depression anoymous' w him.
why i shldnt go
-- coz i do not give a shit abt him.
-- im too selfish.
-- im using him as an excuse to travel ard usa, all expenses paid by parents. (yes, he is my 'green ticket')
-- i can get him to lie to my parents that he wants me to b in usa till he grads n then i can gently suggest once again that i shld go back to sch in order to pass the time. (*smiles, i want to b a student so badly, i dont care wat i study. even a deg in maths. )
-- expired visa
in the end, my dad decided that my mom n i shld go. (doubt my dad cares much for my bro).
*smiles
a wk.
y not?
alas, some girl disapproved of my decision.
'what? this sat? orh'
followed by ... silence.
called up my pesky bro n asked if it wld bring him great inconvenience if we flew up to visit him.
he sounded pretty reluctant though i tried to persuade him to let us go up.
to cut the whole xmas story short, i managed to get him to fly back to spore instead though we mite have another set of probs to deal w then. (this wld serve as a scandalous sub-plot as he was involved with a certain jilted underaged girl out for revenge.)
i hope this latest outcome wld make the lil girl happy.
(then i can matchmake her with my equally troublesome bro when hes back the next couple of days. *grins. at least she's of age. one less worry for my mommy.)
Wednesday, December 24, 2003
"let me tell u the most beautiful story i know.
'a man was given a dog, which he loved very much.
the dog went w him everywhere,
but the man cld not teach it to do anything useful.
the dog wld not fetch or point,
it wld not race or protect or stand watch.
instead the dog sat near him n regarded him,
always w the same inscrutable expression.
'thats not a dog, its a wolf', said the man's wife.
'he alone is faithful to me', said the man,
n his wife never discussed it w him again.
one day, the man took his dog w him into his pte airplane.
n as they flew over high winter mountains,
the engines failed.
n the airplane was torn to shreds among the trees.
the man lay bleeding
his belly torn open by blades of sheared metal,
steam rising from his organs in the cold air,
but all he cld think of was his faithful dog.
was he alive? was he hurt?
imagine his relief when the dog came padding up.
n regarded him w that same steady gaze.
after an hr, the dog nosed the man's gaping abdomen,
then began pulling out intenstines n spleen n liver n gnawing on them
all the while studying the man's face
'thank god', said the man
'at least one of us will not starve.'"
--- The God Whispers of Han Qing-jao
i want to write like this.
oh, what a perverse story.
*smiles
Tuesday, December 23, 2003
for nic,
can u imagine someone doing such to us?
though i wont mind #8
1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
“Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”
2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.
3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.
4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.
5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.
6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop screwing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”
7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.
8. Flirt.
9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”
10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.
11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.
12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”
13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.
14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.
15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”
16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”
17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.
18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.
19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”
20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.
----joraffe----
